понедельник, 27 июля 2009 г.
In search of inspiration
More, much more than ever do I feel the need to find inspiration. My life is stalled, the future looks bleak, the spring in my steps has been fading. I have to rebuild my confidence, recharge my body and refill my soul - but how can I do it?
вторник, 21 июля 2009 г.
On suicide
We don't usually think about it that way, but for most of us life is nothing but kind of a possession, something we own. And yes, it is the most precious of all known possessions. It is so unimaginably big and valuable as to contain everything else, every single thing or encounter we will ever have, each and every piece of cake we eat. In its magnitude it equals something as big as our own personal Universe, and beyond it there is nothing but emptiness and darkness.
This idea might seem too simplistic for some, yet when you stop and think, this is what comes to mind. Life has all the attributes of the things we own: for example, when we say 'this is my life' as we often do when we feel somebody being too intrusive, we mean we own our lives and can do whatever we please to do with them. But only when we ask questions about the origins of this possession do we start facing dilemmas, clashes of opinions and perceptions, tides of dogma and scepticism. In the everyday frenzy of our existence we don't think for a minute about how we came to own this valuable possession. We usually don't think about life - we simply live. Some see life as bestowed from above by some deity, other believe it is inherited from ancestors biologically as a result of a consecutive succession of reproductions. But both the creationists and the free minds feel life is solely theirs to have.
It is only when somebody is seen to be abusing his life that morality comes to light. The harshest critics of such abuse are naturally those who see life as a gift from God, one gift to be accepted with humility, lived with honour, and returned with grace, however burdensome and unwanted it might seem at times. And it does get tough sometimes for some of us, so tough that it is easier - less painful - to get rid of this valuable possession altogether, to return the gift to the Bestower earlier than it was expected back. Suicide for believers in the Creator is not an honourable return of the precious present to its real owner. It is a disgraceful slap in the face, a slamming of the heavenly doors, blowing away once and for all the single opportunity to rest eternally in the gardens of Eden.
Yet if it were so simple, nobody would be willing to step over the line. If life were all rainbows and butterflies, no single soul, however desperate and derelict, would want to deliberately part with it and go searching for better places. After all, it is not as easy as it might seem - one makes the horrible decision with one's mind, but we also have our bodies, don't we? At such a critical point, the body might not be too willing to follow the "crazy" mind - it will surely do whatever it can to overturn the mind's foolish decision. Thus, successful suicides are nothing but outcomes of deadliest of battles, inner conflicts to which there are only two solutions. Those who succeed in taking their own lives are anything but cowards; they deserve at least some respect for finding enough courage to pull the trigger, or step over the edge. This is not something a coward can do.
This idea might seem too simplistic for some, yet when you stop and think, this is what comes to mind. Life has all the attributes of the things we own: for example, when we say 'this is my life' as we often do when we feel somebody being too intrusive, we mean we own our lives and can do whatever we please to do with them. But only when we ask questions about the origins of this possession do we start facing dilemmas, clashes of opinions and perceptions, tides of dogma and scepticism. In the everyday frenzy of our existence we don't think for a minute about how we came to own this valuable possession. We usually don't think about life - we simply live. Some see life as bestowed from above by some deity, other believe it is inherited from ancestors biologically as a result of a consecutive succession of reproductions. But both the creationists and the free minds feel life is solely theirs to have.
It is only when somebody is seen to be abusing his life that morality comes to light. The harshest critics of such abuse are naturally those who see life as a gift from God, one gift to be accepted with humility, lived with honour, and returned with grace, however burdensome and unwanted it might seem at times. And it does get tough sometimes for some of us, so tough that it is easier - less painful - to get rid of this valuable possession altogether, to return the gift to the Bestower earlier than it was expected back. Suicide for believers in the Creator is not an honourable return of the precious present to its real owner. It is a disgraceful slap in the face, a slamming of the heavenly doors, blowing away once and for all the single opportunity to rest eternally in the gardens of Eden.
Yet if it were so simple, nobody would be willing to step over the line. If life were all rainbows and butterflies, no single soul, however desperate and derelict, would want to deliberately part with it and go searching for better places. After all, it is not as easy as it might seem - one makes the horrible decision with one's mind, but we also have our bodies, don't we? At such a critical point, the body might not be too willing to follow the "crazy" mind - it will surely do whatever it can to overturn the mind's foolish decision. Thus, successful suicides are nothing but outcomes of deadliest of battles, inner conflicts to which there are only two solutions. Those who succeed in taking their own lives are anything but cowards; they deserve at least some respect for finding enough courage to pull the trigger, or step over the edge. This is not something a coward can do.
вторник, 14 июля 2009 г.
Turning this into a running blog?
I am seriously planning to start running. But I first have to stop planning and start working. Life is quite boring after all the papers written and exams taken, I want to make it somewhat more challenging. Besides, I am long suffering from time-management problems which have given way to insomnia which have led to bad stomach. All these issues need addressing. Thus, I have decided to get a pair of good running shoes and kick the whole thing off. Serious people carry on running until their seventies and even eighties, so I have lots of time to patrol the neighbourhoods of my current and future towns.
Ultimately this is a test of myself, of how long I can keep it going. I am kind of stubborn and like to persevere, but at times it gets frustrating and I lose all my initial enthusiasm. Well, I am serious about running at the moment, but I cannot be sure of what I will think about my progress and performance a few months later.
Ultimately this is a test of myself, of how long I can keep it going. I am kind of stubborn and like to persevere, but at times it gets frustrating and I lose all my initial enthusiasm. Well, I am serious about running at the moment, but I cannot be sure of what I will think about my progress and performance a few months later.
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